i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
True but thats because hes a fetus.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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