It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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