she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
