margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
