you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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