guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
