I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
