Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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