New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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