my room smells like sperm. sweet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
