You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
