I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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