Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
