That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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