If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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