Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize