Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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