Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize