'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
