you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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