my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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