UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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