Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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