yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
