The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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