her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
