i just wanna soil my oats bro
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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