How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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