i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
