What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
