i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
