Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
