I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
