Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
