I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
