I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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