elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
