My hand turned me down
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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