I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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