wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
