Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
