nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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