It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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