please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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