my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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