i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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