Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
