I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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