My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
