I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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