She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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