Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my shit smells like andre
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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