i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
