the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
