I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
