after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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