she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize