I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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