evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
