Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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