why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
