I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
