like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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