the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
