Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
