Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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