my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
