My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
