She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am one with the molecules
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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