You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
