In America we eat man semen.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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